Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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