So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Randomize
