I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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