I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Randomize
