I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
