Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
