Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
