Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
