Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
