so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
