my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
