they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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