I'm so fucking centered right now
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
