R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
