Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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