Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
