Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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