I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
You don't make any sense
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