Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Sober January is a disaster.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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