how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I just gargled with NyQuil
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
