Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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