Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
