In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
