I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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