Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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