Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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