I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Randomize
