I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Randomize
