i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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