Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
