i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
