she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I'm always down for nudity.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
