that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
