Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
