make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
