my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
