she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
