some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
