if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
So much rum. So many feels.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
