just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
ttyl tear gas
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
