apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
