Soap is not a condiment
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
