Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
