we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
