I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
He has the fingertips of a God
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