And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
