hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
