He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
