Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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