also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
