Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
The convent might be a nice break from real life
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
