38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
