umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
