No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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